This article is the result of a research project conducted by my friend and fellow writer Davey C. Jones. Davey is a writer and blogger, who specializes in relationship advice. I’ve known Davey for several years now and we’ve always been on good terms. He’s an awesome guy and I get a lot of good information from him, but he only tells me things that he wants me to hear (he doesn’t want to vent about his personal troubles). So I don’t have any personal experience with him, although I do have a pretty good idea of what kind of people he hangs out with.
In the current digital age, dating apps like Tinder have made it easier than ever for members of the opposite sex to connect with each other without having to waste precious time on long-distance courtship rituals. To be fair, many people use these apps as a chance to meet someone without having to invest time and money into it (I definitely do so). But there are also plenty of people who use them as an excuse not to date at all.
And while most women on dating apps are probably already looking for a relationship, some men might be too busy chasing women online. The male privilege that arises when this scenario plays out is easy enough to spot: there are plenty of guys like Davey who spend their spare time online with attractive women they can’t get anything decent on Tinder or elsewhere — but they don’t tend to do it very often because they don’t want anything serious happening between themselves and those girls — they just want casual sex or maybe even one-night stands (and sometimes even that last one).
Regardless, these guys aren’t interested in women like Davey: they want some sort of emotional connection from their Tinder dates — a connection that feels like real affection rather than just “flirting with someone you found attractive on the app.” And the best way for them to get that? They need relationship material. But because female attention tends to be more scarce than male attention (and because women are much more likely than men are inclined towards narcissism), many guys end up chasing after girls who aren’t really interested in them at all: so quickly become emotionally unavailable men who aren’t interested in getting anything serious going between themselves and their potential long-term partners.
Davey has helped me understand this process through his own experience dating
Why men may become emotionally unavailable
There are plenty of reasons why a man may become emotionally unavailable and if you want to get over him you may need to learn how to overcome these issues yourself.
There are many situations in life where a man may not be able to give you his full attention.
In this list, I will explain how these problems can affect your relationship with a man such as yourself.
1) He’s too busy for you: The most obvious reason for a man not being able to give you his full attention is because he has too much work or too much going on. If he has something overwhelming going on that’s taking up too much time then it may be difficult for him to commit to a relationship. This can often go hand in hand with feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem in men, so when this happens, it can be hard for him to give himself 100% attention to you and make sure that he always has time for the relationship.
2) He’s afraid of commitment: If you’re looking for someone who is not afraid of commitment then it probably isn’t fair to expect this from your partner since some people just aren’t able to commit their whole selves fully into relationships or their lives outside of them (those who have been burned by an ex are more than likely also not willing to commit their whole selves into relationships). If a boyfriend or husband isn’t able to commit fully into your relationship then it may cause him some difficulty in pursuing a committed relationship with you at all (especially if his partner is also less willing).
3) He’s scared: A lot of guys will think that just because they don’t want commitment from you that doesn’t mean that they don’t want commitment from other women (because they probably do but just don’t want anyone else getting involved). A fear of commitment from others might make it difficult for them feel comfortable enough with themselves enough to commit fully towards someone else as well, so if this is the case then they might struggle avoiding dating other women altogether (they’re thinking “I’ll never get hurt again”) rather than expecting only one person at a time (like me) and being ok with letting someone else date me instead (like Clara). They might also avoid expressing interest in other women because they’re worried about disappointing them by saying “no”. You can still date other women without expectations but it’s important that they know that while
The pain of being in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man
I’ve been in relationships with many emotionally unavailable men, and I have some advice for you.
It’s about being comfortable and accepting your man for who he is, so that he will be comfortable and have the confidence to show his feelings and emotions to you.
I won’t go into too much detail on the subject of emotionally unavailable men (there are many great books on the subject), but I will mention a couple of things that can really affect your chances to get through this rough patch.
The first is self-acceptance: you need to believe that if he isn’t interested in a relationship, it isn’t because of his lack of interest, but because he is afraid or has no confidence in himself, or something else.
The second is just being prepared for any eventuality: whether it be a drunken night out, some embarrassing news about his childhood, or dating a girl who has already rejected him once — it never hurts to be prepared for anything.
How to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you
It’s no secret that men are emotional creatures and it’s no secret that we all have a fear of commitment.
The point for me is to make the point that it’s not you, but his fear of showing emotion and commitment which creates this dependency.
For many women, this is an issue in their relationships as well. Men need to feel connected, in order to be emotionally available for their partners. Without this, they can’t fulfill their partner’s needs.
In order for a man to show his emotions towards the woman he loves with great passion (and without the fear of rejection or abandonment), he needs (and deserves) a very strong feeling of connection with her first.
This means taking the time to connect with him on an emotional level before trying to get him into a relationship (or any serious relationship). This doesn’t mean pretending you don’t care about him; rather, it means opening yourself up as much as possible so he can set himself free from his fears and anxieties and be able to show you what he feels. It also doesn’t mean falling all over yourself when you see him — instead, focus on being genuine in your actions and words. Emotionally unavailable men like those who fantasize about cheating on them (because they don’t know how or don’t want them) should never see themselves in a relationship where both parties are 100% ready for commitment or intimacy — instead of just one party being ready for it and the other not ready for it (because there is no commitment). A man who does not feel emotionally available first will not be able to commit fully towards any woman (which becomes a very real danger when one is committed towards someone else but not actually ready for the “commitment stage”).
Why getting him to change may not be easy
There is a good chance that the source of his issues stems all the way from childhood, so reprogramming him may not be an easy task. However, it is likely that he will feel better once he makes some progress in this direction. Your job is to take the first step so you can continue with the process over time.
For instance, let’s say you want him to commit to you long-term and want to work on developing a relationship. You have a few options:
– Step 1: Set a date for when you would like him to commit (e.g., “I would love for us to be married by 2017”)
– Step 2: Tell him that you have set a date for when he should commit (e.g., “I would like for us to be married by 2018”)
– Step 3: Tell him what kind of commitment sounds good (e.g., “I would love it if we could get engaged by December 11th”)
Getting an emotionally unavailable man to chase you can be a difficult process, although it won’t necessarily require that you actively force him to do so. It is, however, vital that you recognize what makes him emotional and then empathize with his experience. The best way to do this is to use the words of others in the relationship.
If he asks you how you are feeling, ask how he is feeling. If he asks if he should go out with you, answer if he should or not.
If he tries to make small talk with his friends about your relationship, answer that he should try to be pleasant on the date and listen when things happen.
There are many situations where simply talking about your feelings may make a difference in their feelings towards you and result in positive changes from them.
